As you can see I didn’t post anything yesterday or this morning. I got some life changing news yesterday and I just couldn’t face writing about it.
When I got into work yesterday morning I had a letter waiting for me, telling me that as our office has exceeded our targets we are all getting a bonus in our next pay. The bonus, while not life changing, is still very generous. About an hour later everyone in the building was suddenly dragged into a meeting. We were all joking that the bonus that we all got was our redundancy payment. Turns out it’s not far from the truth. Our company is merging with another and they are closing our office down, and our section of the business is moving to the other end of the country. And after getting that news they sent us back to our desks to get on with our work. We were given 20 mins to recover from the news.
Yesterday I was struggling to see how this could be a good thing. After I finished work I spoke to my mother, who went straight into telling me that this could turn out to be the best thing to have happened. At the time I was just so angry and like I had lost all control and her trying to show me the silver lining just made it worse. As much as I do believe that it’s how we react to the situation and not the situation itself that will determine if this is a positive or negative thing. But I also think that feelings such as anger are part of us for a reason and trying to push them down isn’t good for us. These feelings must be acknowledged so that we can start to move onto more positive emotions. Sometimes it really helps to have someone agree that things are rubbish, not to offer advice or try and make things better. I do know my mother was only trying to help.
Later on my mother-in-law-to-be called and she was very angry on my behalf. And the more she went off on one the more I found myself thinking, ‘it’s really not that bad’. Even though she was saying what I had been thinking but the strangest thing was by the end of the call I was feeling a lot better.
With redundancy and the bonus that’s nearly 3 months worth of wages, so there is no pressure to find a new job immediately. I’ve been trying to find a new job for a while now and I’ve been getting in my own way and staying were I’m comfortable, now I have no choice. With my FM I can’t work full time but I can still work and I can look for part time hours. If I do get a new job before we need to touch the redundancy money then we can afford a wedding and a honeymoon next year.
Now I’m happy to say that I am feeling a lot better. I feel free and very optimistic.