As well as logging my makes and bakes I am going to start using this blog to log how things are with my Fibromyalgia (FM for short). I am going to aim to post a ‘personal log’ (I’m a little bit of a Trekie) everyday and separate post for my makes and bakes. Prepare to have your inboxes filled!
My illness causes random pains in my body. There is no rhyme or reason as to why these pains happen and painkillers only help to take the edge off. There are lots of different kinds of pain, they happen all over my body and some go just as quickly as they came, others can last for days. My illness also comes with fatigue, some mornings I wake up and feel shattered. Other morning I wake up fine but by lunch time I’m so tried I’ve got a headache, the type of headache that you know only sleep will help stop (I’ve got a long list of the different types of headache). Memory problems as also a big problem, many people with FM suffer from ‘Fibro-Fog). I know we’ve all entered a room to get something and forget why we went in there. I can enter the same room 3 or 4 times before I actually remember what I’m doing and it happens quite a few times a day. I also ‘forget’ normal every day words. Glen, and everyone else that knows me, has gotten used to me giving a description of what I’m talking about. They are also used to me mixing up the order of words that I’m saying and knowing that what I’ve said is wrong but I don’t know how to fix the sentence, I’ve just started telling them ‘you fix it’ otherwise I will forget what we are talking about. My work mates and Glen in particular as very used to me asking them what I was doing or about to do, no one comments any more they just tell me.
It is upsetting, lonely, hopeless and every other upsetting word you can think of. But during the last year I have learned to be kinder and more patient with myself. I think that we could all do with being kinder to ourselves. There is no point in getting angry when I keep forgetting something, that just makes remembering worse. I have also started being more mindful about what I’m doing. I try to only do one thing at a time now, this helps a bit with remembering what I’m doing and has helped me feel calmer and more settled in myself. I no longer eat breakfast while ‘watching’ tv and checking my emails. This has also helped me not take on too much at one time, as doing that can ware me out very quickly, and means that I am better able to monitor myself and know when I need to take a brake.
During all of this I have tried to stay in work, not every day is a bad day, and my current employer has been very accommodating. But now they are shutting the office that I work in down and in the new year I will have to find a new job. Stress has a tendency to make my condition worse and so I haven’t been too well lately.