Life after Hospital

Hello lovely reader.

Little one is 16 weeks old (she was 12 weeks when I started writing this) now so I will just do a quick over view of the last 16 weeks, otherwise I’ll never catch up with myself! And the details are a bit fuzzy now too.

We were all in the car and leaving the hospital just after 12 noon and my mum drove us home, even if we did have a car I don’t think either of us was up to driving.

Not long after we got home we had to call the hospital for help, probably within an hour or two.  After a back to back nappy change Lily has been sick but I know that her little tummy was empty! We called the hospital and they said that they would send a community midwife out to us after she had finished her clinic.  The lovely midwife arrived around 5 and we explained what had happened.  She checked Lily over and said that she was fine and explained what had happened.  When a baby is born vaginally the squeezing motion empties the amniotic fluid from the babies lungs, when a baby is born via c-section this doesn’t happen and the lungs empty themselves later.  Where Lily was born vaginally she had the cord wrapped around her neck this may have stopped her lungs from emptying fully, so the motion of being changed and then changed again within seconds caused the rest of the fluid to come out.  She was left with a bit of a rasp on her chest for a few weeks following this bit again they said that this is normal. Good to know after the event.  The midwife was very nice and very reassuring and I know that they’d rather be called out for something that turns out to be nothing rather than not called and they should have been.  And it’s at this point that things start to get fussy, I honestly can’t remember if our families came up to see Lily on our first day home or the second!  I remember before she was born saying that I didn’t want anyone up on our first day out and I definitely wasn’t having any visitors at the hospital but I think in the end I changed my mind about visits when we got home.

I do remember that we had our first official midwife visit in the morning if the following day.  We were visited by the community midwife that we had seen before having Lily and a trainee.  They checked Lily over again and asked how our first night went and how feeding was going. They took my blood pressure and felt my tummy to make sure that my uterus was going back to normal size.  They offered to look at my stitches to make sure they were healing ok but they felt fine so I declined that time.  And that was pretty much it for that visit, they said they’d be back the following day.

The following day we were visited by the lovely midwife that came to see us in our first day home.  Lily was 3 days old by then and was due to be weighed. On birth she was 7lb 1oz and she was now 6lb 10oz.  Every baby looses weight after birth as they are not being constantly fed via the umbilical cord.  It is considered fine for a baby to loose up to 10% of their birth weight and Lily had only lost 6% (if she had lost more than 10% you get sent back to hospital).

Day 5 Glen went to see Avengers End game with my brother and my mum came round to babysit me and Lily. I t was nice of her to come and look after us and I do get on with my mum but I was so happy to see her leave when Glen got home, she is not shy about sharing parenting thoughts and was very hands on when it came to me trying out nipple shields that day!  When Glen came home he said it was such a weird feeling, being out of the house and doing something that he was really enjoying but in the back of his mind just wanting to be at home with us.

I think it was day 6 that we were visited by a different midwife (was who lives just up the road from us as it turns out) to check Lily’s hearing.  They put little bids in the babies ear (like headphone bud) that emits a tiny beep, it then registers of the babies hairs in their ears have moved in response to the noise.  It can’t tell if a baby can hear or how well they can hear it just measures that the ear is capable of hearing.  Lily passed with flying colours and was very good while they were playing with her ears.

Day 7 the Midwife came back again.  She felt my uturus to make sure that was going back to normal size (it was) and she asked about my stitches.  Until then my stitches hadn’t been feeling too bad and I was starting to reduce the amount of painkillers that I was taking but they had started to feel worse so I was worried that they might be infected.  She had a quick look and said that they were healing nicely, phew.  She aslo did what is called the ‘heal prick’ test.  With a special little device a small cut is made on the heal of the babies foot and collected on a little card.  This card this then sent to the lab to test for Phenylketonuria, Sickle Call Disease, Maple Syrup Urine Disease, Glutatric Aciduria Type 1, Medium Chain Acyl-CoA Dehydrogenase Deficiency, Congenital Hypothyroidism, Cystic Fibroses, Homocystinuria and Isovaleric Acidaemia.  (The results where sent to us in a letter a week or so later and Lily isn’t showing markers for these things.)  Babies feet and hands struggle with circulation (that’s why they are always cold) and this can make it hard to get blood out of the foot.  Our midwife recommended that we put an extra sock on our baby that day to keep her foot warmer for the test and it worked and made it so much easier and quicker then the other mums that I have spoken to that weren’t advised to do this.

Day 8 was the day that is NCT mums meet up and it is also the day that a local breastfeeding group meets up in the town.  Little S from the NCT group is only 3 days older than Lily and her mum was also breastfeeding so I contacted her to see if she was going to NCT and if she wanted to go to the breastfeeding group.  She was very interesting in going to the group and we arranged to meet there.  Like Glen her partner had taken 2 weeks paternity leave and as neither of us was up to a solo trip into town with the babies yet we arranged for the guys to hang out and while we did our thing.  So Glen went to see End Game again! Both guys where ready to run to our aids if they felt their phones go, we didn’t need to call them out and all met in the pub after we where all done.

Day 10 came round and we were booked in for the midwives to come and see us and then the health visitor.  Due to things over running it turned out that we saw the health visitor before we saw the midwives.  The health visitor was (again) a nice lady she weighed Lily and measured her head.  She also had to ask loads of questions about how Glen and I were coping and our relationship on general, which is what we expected and doesn’t mean that they think there is anything wrong, they have to make sure that any child is in a safe and stable environment.  And if either of us were struggling to cope then they can offer help, they are here for the whole family not just the baby.  Baby Lily came weighed in at 7lb 2 1/2 oz, they normally expect a breastfed baby to be over their birth weight after about 2 weeks and were very please (and amazed) that she was already over her birth weight and she booked us in her see her again when Lily is 7 weeks old.  After the health visitor left the midwives came back.  They also gave Lily a quick check over and did their usual checks on me.  By now my stitches where feeling even worse, that night we had to make up a formula bottle for Lily as I was in too much pain to sit up and feed her and I can’t feed laying down!  They had a look and said that my stitches where nearly all dissolved and that what I was feeling was the new skin pinching and pulling but it will settle, it would have been good to know beforehand that that could happen but there you go (and know we both know).  The Midwives where very happy with how Lily and I were doing so they signed us off of their care, if they or you are worried they can keep you under their care for longer.  After having seen my midwife so regularly for so long and going through so much together it felt like saying goodbye to a friend and felt really weird to think that I might not see her again.  I really hope that if we do have a second baby we get her again.

Our next official visit to see our specific health visor was booked in for when Lily was 7 weeks old but the health visitors are there for the family all the time, you can call them or go to one of their drop in clinics.  When Lily was 4 weeks and 1 day old I took her to one of their drop in clinics to have her weighed again.  Unless there is a problem with the babies weight they like you to have baby weighed roughly every two weeks but they are happy for you to go to these clinics any time just to have them weighed as little or as often as you like.  I was at the breastfeeding group across the hall that day so I thought why not.  Lily weighed in at 8lb 6oz.  She is (and always has been) considered a small baby but they are happy with her weight gain and can see that she is putting on weight normally for her (another reason to get them weight regularly is that you can see their individual trend).

Every women and baby in the UK should be offered a 6-8 week check with their GP.  In this appointment the GP will do the same checks that where done at the hospital when you are discharged and the GP will ask you how you think you are coping and talk to you about your contraceptive options.  We saw our doctor at at 6 weeks.  All of Lilies checks were normal and she weighed in at 9lb exactly.  I accepted a prescription for the contraceptive pill but we are a bit dubious about using it, we know it’s safe but we both worry about the extra hormones that will go through to Lily, but anything else that he can give us also involves artificial hormones and if I don’t get on with them they take a lot longer to get out of the system.  So much to both of our dislikes, we are going to use condoms.

Week 7 I went to see the heal visitor, this appointment is usually done at home like the first one but to fit it in I had to go to her but it was down the road from my work so while I was out I took Lily to see my work place and friends so it wasn’t too bad for us.  At this appointment they would normally weigh the baby but as she was weighed by the doctor the week beforehand she didn’t bother.  This appointment was really about seeing how well I was bonding with baby.  She had to go through a form that we will have to go through again at 9 months old so not all of the questions apply (she even said that herself) and again it’s not there to trip you up it’s there to help you, if you are struggling to bond they aren’t going to judge you they are there to help you and I would urge anyone to be honest with the health care professionals with how you are coping.  I did tell her that I express milk so that Glen can feed Lily so I can have a lay in and so that our parents can take her when I/we need and that I do get upset when I can’t work out why she’s crying, that being said we got high scores on positive attachment and low on negative attachment.

I took Lily to see the health visitors again to have her weighed at 8 weeks old and she was 9lb 15 oz, again they where very happy and said that they are happy if I only want to bring her in every 4 weeks.  So we didn’t see anyone again until she was 12 weeks old and she weighed 10lb 13oz.  Since the last weigh in she had put on weight but not as much as they would have expected, but it was the same lady that weighed her last time and she could see that Lily had had a growth spurt (this baby is all leg!) so she wasn’t worried and told me not to either.  She had also started rolling over that week and the extra out put of moving could also explain why she hadn’t put on much weight.

Normally babies have their first set of immunisations at 8 weeks old but our doctors was very full so we had our first set at 10 weeks old.  It’s 3 injections and an oral solution.  She cried when the injections went in but she got over it and it’s better that she is uncomfortable after some injections then ill from not having them.  She was a bit clingy and tired the next few days but that to be expected.

At 13 weeks Lily started to have green poops, she was fine in herself, still eating and not showing any signs of dehydration so I wasn’t worried and left her to work it through.  She was also starting to teeth and this can cause green mucus and I thought that maybe this had caused the poops.  Last week her poops started to smell really bad so I took her to see a GP, he wasn’t too worried and told me to keep an eye on it over the next few days, take photos and call them back with an update.  Things didn’t get any better and I spoke to my GP who requested a stool sample be send off and asked if she had been weighed lately, she hadn’t but luckily there was a clinic due the next day.  The next day I sent the sample off and took Lily to the health visitors.  They weighed her in at 11lb 11 1/2 oz and weren’t too worried about what was happening.

Week 16 and things just got worse.  This Monday morning I went to change Lilies nappy and found blood in it!  We went straight up to A+E who took some observations and told us to see our GP that day as he was already looking into her stomach.  We saw our GP who spoke to paediatrics at the hospital and explained what had been going on and they told us to go on up.  We spent hours at the hospital talking to doctors and showing them pictures.  Apart from getting over tired Lily was a very happy little baby, I felt like such a fraud!  They took another sample and sent it off, they said we could go home and they will call us with the results.  They thought that she may have had a stomach infection and the blood was from all the extra pooping.  All the stool samples came back as negative and Lilies nappies are a lot better now so they are happy to say that she had a viral tummy bug.   This week we also had our second set of injections.  Normally done at 12 weeks this is only 1 injection and an oral solution.  We had the injection but due to Lilies tummy troubles we are having the oral solution on another visit just to make sure she’s all ok.

Well that is all for now.  Hopefully it won’t be so long before I find the time, and mettle energy, to write again.

Thank you for reading.  I hope you are well x

 

 

First Night

Hello lovely reader.

So the night that our little one was born Glen went home to sleep, he left us in the very capable hands of the Midwives around 11pm.  I know that this night was one of the  longest nights of my life, as well as one of the loneliest but looking back it doesn’t seem that bad and there isn’t much that I’d change.

I don’t know when I got the feeling back in my legs but as soon a I did I had a small walk round my room, I wanted to make sure that I was going to be ok to get around when Glen had gone home. Before Glen left I did manage to feed our baby if only a little, they don’t need a lot in the first few days, and she seemed very happy to sleep on us or in her cot.

My catheter was finally taken out around 11pm, they leave them in for about 12 hours after baby’s born. Once that was out and Glen know that I was fine he went home for the night. He could have stayed in the room with me but he would have spent another night trying to sleep in a chair so we thought it was best that he go home and get a good night sleep.

During our stay there the midwifes checked on baby every 2 hours. Baby girl had a bowl movement before she was born so they needed to keep an eye on her breathing and vitals. They also kept asking me how I was, especially about my blood loss. Blood loss after birth is what happens but they need to keep an eye out to make sure that you aren’t loosing too much blood and to make sure that you don’t have any clots bigger than a 50p as that can be a sign that not all of the placenta is out. When they ask you how the blood loss is ok to say ‘I don’t know’ and just flash them so they can decided, taking to the other mums from NCT I’m not the only one that did that and the midwives didn’t tell me to stop doing it. As a first time mum you have no idea what your blood loss should be like and if you where stuck in a bed like I was you can’t really see it anyway.

So Glen has left me in good hands and baby girl was asleep but I couldn’t sleep. It was 3am before I felt like I could try and sleep and that’s when baby girl woke up! I spent a while trying to ca her down and feed her but she wouldn’t latch on. In the end I had to push the button for one of the midwives to come and help me. It turns out that baby girl wasn’t opening her mouth wide enough to latch on! I had to expresses some colostrum into a syringe to try and feed her with. The midwife had to put her little finger into babies mouth so the syringe could be put in her mouth along side it. After we finally got some food in her I had to get some sleep but she wanted constant contact, and after 9 months of constantly being held it’s not a great surprise, and then I had a great idea. At home we had a Next To Me cot all ready for her, a cot that lets you co-sleep with your baby without having to worry about squashing them, so I pushed her bed up against mine and rose my bed up so that I could lay next to her and have my hand in her cot with her. I don’t know how long I slept for but I did manage to sleep.

Glen was back with us as soon as he could get to the hospital the next day and we just hung about in my room until I could be discharged. Before we could go they had to do some checks on baby girl and issue her with a red book. They had to do things like check her hip joints, her eyes and her reflexes. Once she was given the all clear we had to wait for someone to finally take the cannula out of my arm (they had to leave it in just in case something went wrong with me and they had to put me on fluids or even operate) and at 11am we were finally allowed to leave. They were great at the hospital but after days of trying to give birth and then just over 24 hours recovery I couldn’t wait to get home.

So that is you all caught up with my time in hospital. Most women will tell you that this soon after having a baby (it’s been 11 weeks and 2 days) and after having such a long birth that they would never do it again but I could do it all again (it’s way too early for Glen and I to make that decision at the moment though). know that some people would view my birth story as a bit traumatic but I wouldn’t change it. I’ve wanted to be a mum for so long I would have done anything to make sure that she got here safely and now that she’s here I’d do anything to make sure that she stays safe and happy.

Well that is all for this week. I hope you are well x

Afterbirth

Hello lovely reader

This week I would like to talk about afterbirth, as in the placenta.

Lots gets said about the importance and role of the placenta while you are pregnant, with out it there would be no baby, but very little gets said about it after the birth in this country (I live in the UK).

The placenta has to be birthed much the same as the baby but it is much quicker and easier, mine was birthed and out 24 mins behind our baby (that time also gets included in the birth time total). The midwife will usually take the placenta away and check it over to make sure that it is all there, if any is left behind it can cause a dangerous infection in the mother later on. And then the placenta is destroyed, usually incinerated with the rest of the medical waste.

– On a side note the placenta doesn’t always come out by itself and needs some help. I agreed to have an injection of a hormone that helps speed up the delivery, before going into labour I didn’t think I’d want it but after baby was here I didn’t care and just said yes. One of my new baby friends had trouble delivering her placenta, in fact after the baby was delivered her placenta wouldn’t deliver sand she had to have an epidural and surgery to get it out. She and baby are fine but no one warned us that could happen, so it was a bit of a shock.

We decided not to have my placenta destroyed, we decided to take it home for me to eat. We had heard and read that ingesting the placenta after birth is very good for the mothers recovery, including helping with the baby blues that can happen when your milk comes in and usually only lasts a day or two (not to be confused with postnatal depression, this can happen up to a year after birth and lasts for much longer). Given my fibromyalgia and history of low mood we thought it’s worth a try. You can have your placenta taken away and made into capsules to be taken by the mother but that all takes time and isn’t cheap. Taking it home to eat it meant I had it sooner rather than later and barely suffered with the baby blues when my milk came in, we can’t say for 100% sure that that was all down to the placenta but I like to think that it helped.

Because wanting take take the placenta home to eat isn’t very common in our area (or country) we had to make sure that all the midwives and hospital staff knew that we wanted it to eat. Our District midwife had to put a big note on my notes and had to call the hospital to make sure if what we needed to take with us to take the placenta home him, we just needed a cool bag with some freezer blocks which we did and the hospital kept them in their freezer for us until they where needed. Our delivering midwife had seen good results from people eating placenta in the past and had a very positive attitude to us doing this. She did the placenta check in the room so we could both see how it’s all made up. She then plonked the whole thing in a bag sack, umbilical cord and all (I didn’t eat the sack or umbilical cord).

When we got home it was Glens job to make it all into a meal for me. In the run up to the birth we had a look into recipes and the most palatable option seemed to be to put it into a chilli. Glen made a normal chilli with a bit less mince in than normal so we could make it all last for two meals for me, out if Curiosity he did try some of the cooked placenta but on the whole the placenta meal was for me, he just had plain chilli that night. We can both confirm that eating placenta isn’t as bad as it sounds, it was a bit chewy and had a strong beef taste.

There are plenty of things that can be done with a placenta after birth; fertilising the garden (very popular at one point), making art out of it (not sure how that’s done), having capsules made (more palatable for some) or eating it (there are plenty of recipes out there). I’m sure that there are more options out there but those are just the ones that I’ve come across so far. Personally if we do have another baby I think I’m going to keep things simple and eat it again.

Thank you for reading. I hope that you are well x

Life after birth

Hello lovely reader

So now you know our birth story well here is what happened just after.

The first thing the midwives did after baby was born was to have a quick look at her colour before she was handed to me, as they do with all babies and they are given a score out of 10 (10 being the best). My baby was a little blue, it turns out the cord was wrapped around her neck three times, but she scored a 9 on their scale and I was able to take her straight away. She very quickly started to cry and show us all that she was fine.

She was placed directly into my bear chest for some skin to skin contact, this is very important to start bonding and encouraged by most hospitals now. I think I remember someone saying something about a hat but one never appeared and wasn’t mentioned again but I am glad about that as I had read that it’s quite nice for the mother to be able to smell the head of their newborn baby and that the smell fades very quickly. I can confirm that it is nice for the mother to do that (well at least it was for me) and that I think she smelt a bit like lavender, and that the smell was indeed soon gone.

We had been told that a new born baby will wiggle and move themselves across the mothers chest to make their own way to the breast for their first feed and can take around an hour. Being very large breasted before getting pregnant they got huge during pregnancy and this means that my nipples are not in a position for a baby to get to without help, I don’t think she could do it now at 9 weeks and with a strong neck, she didn’t complete that crawl. (There are videos of this that people have posted online, I would recommend watching them they are amazing).

While I was having my first baby cuddles the midwives made sure that the placenta was safely delivered into the world and stitched me up. I don’t know how many stitches I needed but I do know that I had a second degree tear and some grazing. Before giving me the stitches they asked if it was ok. know that they need consent before doing anything but if you have a tear bad enough to need stitches then just crack on, just tell us that’s what you are going to do it we know you have a reason for it. After that we were pretty much left alone. I had an hour of cuddles before Glen had his skin to skin cuddles, he also had her for about an hour. I think midwives popped their heads in the door to make sure we where ok but other than that we where left to it.

When lunch time came around they cane in to feed me and I think that’s when they also did more checks on baby girl. She was rinsed under the tap by a midwife as she’d pooped all over her daddy and herself and they took her away to weigh her. She was a diddy 7 pound 1 ounce. After this Glen cleaned himself up and went to have some lunch.

While Glen was gone my bed was changed (with me and babe still in it) and I was wheeled to my room (still in bed). In our hospital (and most others I think) you can choose to go out into the main maternity ward or rent a private room. If you are in the main ward you have to share toilet facilities and fathers are subject to visiting hours. We decided to rent a private room, charged at £5 in our hospital and all monies go back into the maternity ward. Once I was set up in my room I was checked on by midwives every so often. After birth blood loss is very important and will vary from women to women but too much blood loss and/or clots larger than a 50p piece are early signs that something is wrong. Each time I was checked on they asked if my blood loss was normal. Now the epidural was still in effect and I had a catheter in so I wasn’t in a position to check and have no comparison point, so each time they where met with ‘I don’t know’ and my covers being thrown off so they could check. I have spoken to the other NCT mums and they all said they did the same thing, it just odd how quickly you decide ‘fuck it!’ when it comes to the world and his wife having a look down there.

When I finally got the use of my legs back I went for a very small walk around the room, as I only had a sleep bra on at the time that’s another reason it’s nice to have a private room. My catheter was finally taken out around 11, they did explain that it would be in for at least 12 hours after baby was born. Apart from to nip off to eat and to pop home for an hour to deal with Stitch and get more clothes Glen has been with me the whole time and had barely slept so we decided that after my catheter was out that he would go home to get some proper sleep. In the end he was home and asleep by 1 am and didn’t move for 7 hours!

Well I think that is plenty to be going on with for now.

I hope you are well x

Not quite to plan

Hello lovely readers.

I know you at been ages (again) but this time I have a very good excuse.

Our little girl came into the world on 23rd April at 10.40am. The last 8 weeks have been very busy and my typing with one hand is not to be trusted but now we are more confident with her I am hopeful that I can get back to posting more regularly.

Baby girl and I are fine. When it finally came to the birth I git the help that I needed to get what we wanted but it didn’t stick to my birth plan.

I’ve always wanted a water birth and to do things as naturally as possible. At 10 days overdue the hospital said I could be induced, I was fed up of being pregnant by week 38 never mind week 42! And there was nothing to be gained by keeping her on board. I was very scared about being induced, having heard negative reports from other people, and spent nearly a month either bouncing on a ball, eating curry or having sex. We tried everything we could to try and get her out naturally but none of it worked for us. In the end I had to have two sweeps, one pessary, two does of hormone gel, had my waters broken and then had the drip coupled with an epidural. And I don’t regret it have a bad thing to say about any of it.

At 40 weeks and 2 days I was offered a stretch and sweep. This is a procedure where the midwife inserts two fingers into the vagina in the hopes of massaging the cervix to bring on Labour and stretch it out. While they are there they feel for position of the cervix (turns out it has to get into position for birth) and how soft or dilated you are. On the first try the midwife could confirm that my cervix was starting to get into position and was softening but that was it at the time, she was unable to actually do the stretch and sweep to try and get things started but it was good to know how my body was progressing towards Labour. At week 41 I was seen by the midwife again to see how things were going and see if we could start things off. They could confirm that things were progressing a bit and managed to carry out the sweep. They booked me at the labour ward to start inducing us on Sunday if I hadn’t gone into labour naturally by then (the second sweep took place on a Tuesday). As you can tell nothing much happened in between times, I had a few practice contractions but I’d been having those for a few weeks.

So Sunday morning care round and nothing, so we call the hospital and casually made our way up there. So they redid their checks and a 24 hour pessary was inserted. Once that process was started I was able (and encouraged) to walk around the hospital try and get things started but I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital. The pessary was a bit uncomfortable and out some pressure on my urethra and cause some difficulties when trying to pass water and didn’t do much.

The next day they did their checks again and as there still wasn’t much change so they decided to try the hormone gel. This works the same as the pessary but the hormone levels are more concentrated. Once the gel is on you are left to it for 6 hours to walk around, after 6 hours there still wasn’t much movement so we tried the gel again.

Another 6 hours later and there was enough change that they could finally brake my waters. This was uncomfortable but not painful. Now that my waters had been broken the hope was that this would encourage my body to do the rest and baby would make an appearance in the next 24 hours (any longer and we were at risk of infection), if not then they would try to hormone drip. After my waters where broken I was told to move around and go for walks still and I think I did to begin with but it soon became too uncomfortable. Braking my waters had really got the contractions going. At this time I don’t think we knew that the baby was back to back, this position makes more a longer and much more painful birth.

Things get a bit hazy from there but I do remember quite a lot of the babies vital signs being monitored and then saying that she had had a bowl movement. At this time they didn’t seem to worried that the baby was in any danger and it all seemed pretty routine. I do remember that I had made it to 2 centimetres dilated and my body had started pushing! My body and baby clearly wasn’t ready for this yet and I was starting to wear myself out. It was decided to try the hormone drip next so the anaesthesiologist was called to put the epidural in. I have been told that the rush of hormones from the drip means that Labour can come on very fast and be very intense. By now my contractions were still irregular but very strong and made things difficult to get the epidural in. They tired 4 times in my room and then moved me to theatre, in theatre they had a bed they could tilt to try and make things easier, two try’s later and it was in! (Glen didn’t leave me even then and scrubbed up to be with me)

By now it’s 3.30am on Tuesday, everyone else is dead on their feet and now I’m no longer in pain I’m full of beans and won’t stop talking! The drip was put up and we just had to wait. By now the baby was constantly being monitored but we couldn’t get the external monitor to stay on so clips, (electrodes) were attached to her head (she needed 5 of these in the end as the contractions kept pushing them off!). At 8.30am I was finally pronounced fully dilated and was told that I could start pushing at 9.30 but warned if baby didn’t arrive soon after they would have to get the forceps out. Luckily I could still feel when I needed to push and when the time came I think this really helped and I was able to push baby out.

At 10.40am our baby girl was safely delivered into the world! And we were discharged from hospital the next day (25 hours later).

After I don’t know how long in hospital, 34 hours and 29 minutes in official labour (They start the clock once your at a certain point in labour not when things like contractions or dilation actually starts.), and a second degree tear later I wouldn’t change a thing. If we do have a second baby I wouldn’t aim to be induced (not that I think you can aim for that) but it would be the end of the world. In fact it took a lot of pressure off knowing that once we left the house the Sunday morning we wouldn’t be coming home again with out our baby. Having had an epidural I am not not so anti me having one again (party because I am less scared of it now) but would like to aim for a water birth, but as ever will be open to what ever has to happen to get my baby her safely.

Our baby girls is 8 weeks old today and I think we would both like another but it is still too early to have that conversation proper. So far the fibromyalgia has stayed at away but we will have to see how that goes and how we cope, so far she is still a live and healthy.

That is all for now I think. More to come about how we are getting on with baby, breastfeeding and life soon (I hope).

Thank you for reading. I hope you are well x

Let’s talk about sex

*WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS ADULT MATERIAL*

(DON’T WORRY THERE ARE NO PICS)

When I first started writing this blog it was with the intention to be honest with myself and work through how I was feeling about getting FM (Fibromyalgia)and being depressed.  Since then the blog has evolved into crochet, cake and baby stuff (all of which I love doing and writing about) but not a lot of personal stuff.  In this post I am going back to how things where at the beginning and I am going to write about something very personal that I think people should be able to talk/write about.

Over the last few years my FM has put a big strain on mine and Glens relationship, in and outside of the bedroom, being so tired that you can barely stand and in so much pain that the lightest of touches can hurt doesn’t really put anyone in the mood for romance.  Things had started to get back on track and then we fell pregnant.  The first 3 months I was (again) too tired to do anything, the second 3 as my hormones changed things started to pick up again but bump was starting to get in the way a bit and the last (nearly 3 months) bump is defiantly in the way and so too is my cervix (Glen has informed me that this is more than just uncomfortable for him during sex).   The later problem is not one that I have come across in the baby books but the midwife has assured us that it is normal and nothing to worry about, at least on the baby front.

It may surprise people to know that in the past we have spoken about Glen seeing an escort.  It came about after hearing that his uncle had asked his aunt if he could see one due to her disability cause by many medical conditions and that his dad had asked his mum the same thing (for the same reasons).  His aunt was very hurt and upset by being asked this and his mum nearly threw his dad out for it.  When Glen first asked me I was a bit upset but I was also worried that seeing an escort would be dangerous (I’ve watched a lot of CSI and that hadn’t filled me with a lot of confidence in sex workers) and didn’t know the first thing about finding one.  And the money was also an issue, I didn’t know how much they were but I could guess at not cheap.

My family are a bit more open about sex than Glens is, as far as I know no one apart from my Grandfather has seen an escort (he was in Germany during the second world war that the time.  I don’t know how my grandmother felt about it but I know that she told my mum who later told me.  I do know that my mum has made her peace with it.)  I also know that both my Grandfather and Grandmother knew a ‘Mistress’ and that she even helped pay for a trip abroad for them when my mum was young, my Grandfather was very sick and needed the extra UV light to make him better.  But I know that my Mum doesn’t have a problem with my Dad watching porn, I do know that Glens mum is very against porn (that was a very uncomfortable conversation and half an hour of my life that I will never get back).  I have grown up knowing that sex isn’t the be all and end all in a relationship but that it is still a very important.  At the time it was hard not to take the request as personal but I know that it wasn’t a dig against me.

After I said no it was quite a while later that the subject was brought up again.  By now we had fallen pregnant and there were a few things that Glen wanted to explore (some light S&M) that I didn’t feel that I could help him with (he wanted to explore being a Sub and I giggle way too much to be a good Dom).  So initially we looked into an escort that would help him explore just this aspect of things, no sex or sexual gratification just what just what is called tie and tease.  Glen found a website that facilitates finding escorts in the local area and (ironically) found a very nice lady offering what he is looking for.  I would like to make it know that this isn’t her sole job, she has an office job on top of this, she hasn’t been forced into this line of work, it is something that she has chosen to do and doesn’t have a pimp, and isn’t in desperate need of the money.  On the website there are some on there that I couldn’t confidently say that of.   She is shorter than me, fitter and slimmer than me and has different hair colour to me (she doesn’t put pics of her face up so at the time neither of us knew what her face looked like).  I am not upset by any of this, what we want in our fantasy and what we want every day are not the same thing, and keeping it professional means I know that they are not about to run away together.

Glen made contact with her and an appointment was arranged.  Initially it was to take place in a hotel as at the time I wasn’t comfortable with her coming to our house but she had to cancel at the last minute (family emergency), we did have a nice long weekend in Bristol out of it though.  We had booked to see her in Bristol and had a hotel of our own booked, their appointment was due to happen in a different room and possibly hotel, and it was back in November so we had a nice and relaxed time looking around their Christmas market (it’s not really worth a visit at any other time of the year).   Their appointment was re-arranged for December at our house, in the end we were both happier that she was coming to our house as it made it all less seedy.  After much talk and a few difficulties in the bedroom for us I agreed that Glen could have sex with her at the end of his appointment.  I know that he’s not going to leave me for her and that it is purely about him getting that urge out.  As we only have one working bedroom it was agreed that Glen would put fresh sheets on for her and strip the bed again before I came home, I went and did some more Christmas shopping while he was having his appointment.  I was happy with what was going on but at the time I didn’t want to meet her, and I don’t think it would have been very nice for her to turn up and me be in the house.

In the run up to the appointment Glen and Imogen Mae were in contact to confirm what was wanted from the appointment.  A day or so before the appointment nature intervened and she got her period, this didn’t cancel the appointment but did change things a bit.  At her request sex was taken off of the table, totally understandable, but she was happy to give a happy ending.  Prior to this meeting we had discussed Glen seeing Imogen Mae again if this meeting went well, so this slight change in plans made things a bit nicer in the long run, we all know why she is seeing him but Glen isn’t the type of guy that would have been truly happy with having sex with her on the first meet and he was nervous enough as it was so it also took a bit of pressure off of him.  Needless to say he did have a good time and another appointment was arranged for March.

In the days following the appointment Glen seemed much more confident in himself, more relaxed and just happier.  It was really nice to see, he was like how he was when we first met before I got ill and his parents health took a nose dive and before the pressures of a house and starting his own family.  He has had to deal with a lot and often puts himself and his needs last so it was nice that he had this experience to himself and an experience that was all about him for a change.  And our own sex life took a massive turn for the better too, at least until the aforementioned pregnancy problems hit in.

Glen has since had his second appointment with Imogen Mae and this time I did stay in the house to meet her, I did leave them to it for the bulk of the appointment though.  She is a very nice young lady (about 24/25 years old).  When talking about Glen’s appointment and what we want from sex, from each other as much as from her, it was also agreed that if I like her that I will have my own appointment with her.  I have always been bi-curious and this seems like a nice and safe setting for me to explore that part of myself, my appointment will have to wait until baby is here and I am all healed up but I am more than happy to see her.  Glen has always wanted a threesome (well he is a man) and while I am (again) curious it’s not something that I have been comfortable with purely for not knowing how to find someone to join us, but this seems like a nice way of doing it.  So a win, win all round.  Again Glen is a much more confident, relaxed and happy person for seeing her and our sex life has improved a bit.  In fact both of us seem more relaxed and happier.

We haven’t told our friends about this arrangement (which is in part why I feel that I needed to write about it), not because we are shamed of it but because I don’t think they will understand and I know they will make Glen out to be the bad guy, even though he’s not.  No one judges us for talking to friends about things we may not be able to talk about with each other (we are pretty open with each other so that doesn’t happen very often but there is nothing wrong when we do) or for seeing a masseuse even though we can and do give each other massages and I don’t see any difference here, we can’t be everything to each other all the time.  This is an arrangement that we have both come to as mature adults after much discussion.  I haven’t asked to see them but Glen has made sure that I have read all contact between him and X and hasn’t done anything that wasn’t already agreed upon.  I am happy with what we have arranged; trust me at 38 weeks pregnant there is no hiding any of my true feelings.

I am not saying that all couples will benefit from this type of arrangement or that Glens mum and Aunt where wrong for not entertaining the idea in their own relationship, just that talking about it shouldn’t be a taboo thing especially between a loving couple.  It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong or that he or she doesn’t love you anymore but sometimes you have to do what feels right for you as a person as much as a couple.  If it’s not right for you then don’t let yourself be bullied into it but equally don’t shoot the idea down, really give it some though and discussion.

Thank you for reading x

 

Week 33/34 and NCT

Hello lovely reader.

It feels like soo much had happened since my last post I hardly know where to start!

So at the 31 week growth scan the hospital felt that the baby was a bit in the small side and decided to scan again in two weeks instead of the pre-agreed 2 weeks. We have since had our 33 week and little one seems to have had a growth spurt, while she is still small in their charts they are no longer worried as she has started to grow at the rate she should (about 1/2lb a week). So they are happy to leave the next scan for 3 weeks. They also confirmed that baby is still head down, hopefully she will stay that way from now on. Week 36 is going to be a busy week for us we have a meeting to get to know the health visitors, our scan (at 36/37 weeks this also means that we need to see the hospital doctor for a catch up, it’s fairly standard) and we have our appointment with the midwife to make the birth plan. Luckily I will be on maternity leave by then so I will have time to try and rest up to recover, Glen has a few days off for these appointments so hopefully he won’t suffer too badly.

Week 34 was a pre-planned visit with the midwife. Everything went fine and dandy there and we had a good chat. During my pregnancy my boobs have been constantly in bras, maternity bras during the day and sleep bras of a night, this has meant that they are constantly touching. This has caused heat to build up in between them and red patches to appear where they have touched. Normally this goes away if I don’t sleep with a sleep bra, this can be uncomfortable but they need to breath, this week I was left with a purple mark that didn’t want to go. Luckily I noticed this in the morning of seeing the midwife and told her about it, she had a look and assured me that it is nothing to worry about it is just where my boobs have been pushed together. If it gets red, hot and lump like then tell her or the doctor but not to worry for now. She did tell me what I thought I already knew but was happy to put my mind at rest and said that boobs are very important and any changes should be mentioned at these visits, good to know. (On a side note the day after showing the midwife my boobs my milk seems to have come in! I don’t think the two are connected but as I am very keen to breast feed I am very happy that it’s all up and running.) During the run up to this visit I had also read things about doing perineal massage as of week 34 to stretch the perineal out and help reduce (if not stop) tearing. In my reading I had not read anything bad about this practice but I had read that health care professionals don’t put much stock into it, so I thought I’d ask and see what my midwife thinks if it. She is very pro massage and feels that it helps. I will leave you to google the ins and outs (no pun intended) of this massage but I will let you know if I think it helped (not that I really have a comparison point).

Glen and I have signed up to our local branch of NCT (National Childbirth Trust) for their birth and parenting classes. We have had two so far this week and so far they are going well. There are 6 other couples on the course and we are all due around the same time. While I have friends who have had babies it’s nice to talk to people that are going through things at/around the same time that I am. And what we know about babies and keeping them safe and childbirth changes every year, so (as bad as it sounds) some of their knowledge is already out of date! The classes aren’t cheap but if it saves a babies life or has one tip that makes you labour or your post labour life easier then it worth it (currently in our area the midwives don’t ha e the funding, resources or the time to do these types of classes). And plenty of people have said that they are still in contact with NCT parents years after the course.

So far we have covered the basics of birth and a bit about life beyond. Today we all had to bring exercise/yoga balls to class to learn about getting the baby into the best birthing position! Turns out it’s all to do with your hip placement and that’s something you can control. Sitting slumped in a sofa or anything that puts your knees above your hips (like driving) tilts your hips back, this encourages the baby to settle back to back. While back to back isn’t uncomfortable while baby is inside it can make the actual birth harder for all involved. Sitting upright in a proper chair or on an exercise balls helps to tilt your pelvis forward and encourages the back to settle with its back to your front, this is a lot easier for everyone. So for the next 6 weeks this is my new ‘spot’ and when I’m not using it Glen’s new foot rest!

Well I think that’s all for this week.

I hope you are doing well x

Afternoon tea

Hello lovely reader

This week Glen and I finally caught up with a friend that we haven’t seen in ages. And to celebrate her coming round I decided to get my bake on!

I’ve been feeling like making scones for ages now and just fancied a Victoria sandwich, so I made all of that for just the 3 of us!

I used May Berry’s Victoria sandwich recipe for an 8 in tin. I was worried about the mix going in the oven as it seemed a bit lumpy, the sugar and butter hadn’t quite creamed together as well as I would have liked (I don’t like the all in one method as, in my experience it does make for a lumpy mix) but when it came out of the oven it was one of the best sponges that I have made in a while. I filled it with strawberry jam and fresh whipped cream, and it was amazing.

I’m not sure why I wanted to make scones lately but this seemed like the perfect time to do it. I’ve been using the same recipe for years now and it works great for me. I don’t know which book I copied it out of or who wrote it but enjoy.

To make the scones you will need;

• 1lb self-raising flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 3oz butter
• 2oz caster sugar
• 2 eggs
• 8fl oz (ish) milk

Pre heat the oven to gas mark 7.

Mix flour and baking powder, add butter and turn into bread crumbs.

Stir in sugar.

Beat eggs together, add milk to make 1/2 pint of fluid. Put 2tbs of the fluid aside for glazing at the end.

Gradually add the fluid to the dry ingredients. The mixture should be wet and sticky.

Turn out into a lightly floured surface. Flatten to about 1/2 a 3/4 of and inch. Cut out (makes 20 small scones or 8 big ones and place in baking tray.

Brush the tops with leftover fluid. Bake for 10-15 mins until we’ll risen and golden.

Serve with jam and cream.

That is all for this week. I hope you are well. Happy baking x

Week 31

Hello lovely reader.

I am glad to report that the coasters went down really well with Glens aunt and uncle. And by shear luck it is the same colour as their teapot! I was worried that they would find it all a bit simple but they really appreciated it.

Last week we had our second growth scan on the baby. All was looking fine, all organs developing nicely and good blood flow to baby, but when they checked her estimated over all size they found she is a bit small. Not off the chart small but she’s not out on quite as much as they would like in the last three weeks, she was about 2lb 10 oz 3 weeks ago and this scan she was about 3lb 9 oz. So they are a bit concerned but not worried about her so they have moved my next scan up from another 3 weeks time to two weeks time. They didn’t say what they would do if she stays small, hopefully her size will pick up a bit, or why she might be a bit on the small side. My mum went with me to this scan and all I could really think was that something would crop up when Glen isn’t here and the midwifes didn’t seem panicked by it. I do worry that it maybe my fault that she’s in the small side as I am still not very interested in food. Sometime I have to force or remind myself to eat, and eating when your not hungry and pregnant can make you feel like being sick (or at least that’s my experience) but I will persevere and make a more conscious choice to eat the right things for her/us. Hopefully this will make a difference.

Since my last post Glen and I have also had our tour of the maternity unit. If you are having youth first baby or first baby with a new hospital I would highly recommend going on a tour. Now we know where to go, so we kind of knew that but now we know what to do and what is behind that magic door, and where our parents will need to go if I need to stay in for a few days (really hoping that I won’t have to stay in). We had a look around the Marburg ward itself and saw the rooms and bays, and were told about hiring private rooms for £4 an hour (not as seedy as it sounds) if there are any available. Having one of these recovery rooms means that the dad can stay with you as long as you need (on the main ward they are subject to visiting times, they are better then other visited times but they would have to leave) and you get your own loo. We didn’t get to see any of the birth rooms as they were all in use, understandable, but we did learn that they have two birthing pools and aromatherapy by a midwife is also an option (hoping I can have both on the day).

While we were there there was also a talk about breast feeding and the massive amount of support they will give for it (I’ve always been a big supporter of breast feeding). They also explained them at they also take a very natural approach to you and the baby when baby gets here encouraging skin to skin with mum as soon as baby is here and even encouraging baby to feed before being weighed (they said there is no rush to weigh them and it turns out that new born babies can find their way to the breast, it just takes some time and patience). All of my friends think I’m a bit of a hippy (I’m not sure that they are wrong) and this all sounds amazing to me, I knew they are big in skin to skin contact but had visions of baby being whisked away for checks pretty quickly. I am a bit worried about the birth, that’s only natural, but after having the tour I am feeling better about where I am going to give birth.

Well that is all for this week. I hope you are keeping well x

Quick gift

Hello lovely reader.

Each year for Christmas I make Glens great-aunt and uncle a little something, I don’t know that they always like what I make them but I know they appreciate the effort and the thought.  This/last year my ideas to what to make them are running a little low and my wool stash could do with using up so I have made them some simple coasters, one each for a mug/cup and one for a tea pot.

 

Normally I don’t block much of my crochet, in the past I wasn’t aware of the difference it would make or I was making something 3D, but as this is a gift (and a simple one at that) I thought that I should do it right.  A friend of mine blocks her work by wetting the piece (I used the spray function on my iron), putting a thin tea towel on the work and giving it a quick once over with a warm iron.  Hopefully you can see the difference it had made in the pics above.

As I was using up some of my wool stash I managed to get colours of wool that go together but unfortunately the wool is not the same size.

On the little coasters this wasn’t much of a problem as I was just going to use the purple to edge these with double stitch.  When it came to the larger coaster Glen said that I needed to brake the red up a bit, continuing on with treble stitch would have shown up the wool difference so I decided to do two rows of double stitch in the purple in between the red and I think it worked ok.  Again with this I didn’t follow any pattern I just kept going in circles until they looked the right size.

We are due to see Glens great-aunt and uncle this weekend (between Christmas, illness and weather we didn’t round to seeing them at Christmas) so I will let you know what they think.

Thank you for reading.  I hope you are well x